Slow thaself down! I think his legs have got longer.
You're out of condition. I was born out of condition.
Nature intended me for out of condition
as an encouragement for all of Her creatures who are bone-idle.
Well, you're back in good hands.
It's not me hands I'm worried about. Just slow tha legs down a bit!
Maybe he's got the wrong pair.
You know what the army's like. I bet they gave him the wrong pair.
I see Howard is still confined to barracks. He keeps getting caught.
For what? For being a pillock.
Is he still...? You know, knocking about with that...? Yes.
She terrifies me. I don't know how he's got the nerve.
Mind you, living with Pearl, he'd have to have some nerve.
How do, Howard?
Don't ask!
You missed a bit in that corner, Howard. Oh, heck, is he back?
You think you have trouble? We have him all the time. But I have Pearl.
She's good to you when you're poorly. Not good. More like efficient.
Are you still knocking about with...?
Yes, he is! I don't know what you mean.
I just told him he'd missed a bit.
And I'll make sure he keeps missing a bit.
I wouldn't mind if she didn't dress like such a tart.
Yes, you would.
I suppose I would.
Why do people resent advice from a natural leader?
I'd understand if it was from an interfering idiot.
Maybe they can't tell the difference. I can never tell the difference.
I wear a collar and tie. My shoes are always polished. How dare people not tell the difference?
More tea, Foggy? Oh, no, thank you! I keep a tight rein on my appetites.
It's only tea! It won't turn tha' reckless and start spending tha money.
You don't understand, do you?
It's all part of self-discipline. The warrior's creed.
I suppose it's the old Samurai Code.
One has a duty to keep the body ready for anything.
Nora Batty.
Well, almost anything. She's still pretty fierce, isn't she?
Only to people she knows.
To strangers she's still quite... miserable.
She's not much of a smiler, is Nora. She's straight all the way.
And that's only the front!
Will you stop that?
He should be on a lead, you know.
Relax, Foggy. Who cares?
Who's watching any road?
I am watching.
It offends my sense of what is fitting in this beautiful landscape.
What have you repaired that hole with? Which one?
DON'T ask me to look.
Don't pull at them! They'll fall to bits.
One false move and they'll be off like a... What have you repaired that one with?
THIS one? Sticky tape.
And they say you can never find the end!
What's wrong with needle and thread? I haven't got any needle and thread!
What good is sticky tape? It keeps the draught out.
Ye gods! I wouldn't mind, if it wasn't transparent.
It's a helluva place for a window!
Double-glazing!
He's invented the first double-glazed trousers!
Exhaustion is a state of mind.
Pay no attention to it.
You have to drive yourself through the pain barrier.
I've spent a lifetime driving myself through the pain barrier.
I'll prove to you how much further you can drive yourself...
The secret on a route march is steady breathing adapted to the marching pace.
Just take your example from me.
Why do people yawn?
I blame it on the television.
Get some rhythm into it!
Ah, you can feel it doing you good. Nothing like a good, brisk march.
I've led some marches in my time. Even in the heat of Burma.
The little hill men called me "Walking Giant". They were little fellows.
They used to say, "Here comes Walking Giant."
I believe they named one or two of their babies after me.
I thought of stopping out there to teach them copperplate writing.
I saw Tuggy Marshall in the post office. He had Nelly with him.
She were licking his ear.
I didn't think Mrs Marshall was all that affectionate.
Not Mrs Marshall!
Nelly is his Jack Russell terrier.
I thought it didn't sound like Mrs Marshall.
Got a bad leg, so he told me.
And Nelly's still licking him.
Can't get his boot on. Has to wear a slipper.
He told you all this in the queue?
Yep!
He enjoys a bit of illness, does Tuggy.
DISTANT SHOUT What's that?
Maybe it's Tuggy with another bad leg.
FOGGY IS SHOUTING
Tha'll be all right when tha's been through the pain barrier(!)
He'll come in, pretending he enjoyed it. He loves a good march(!)
He had a good one today. Here he comes.
He looks absolutely knackered.
Only from the neck down. Shout him. Watch how he pretends he enjoys it.
Foggy!
I think the trouble these days is they just let them run loose without any thought of punishment.
Yes. It's no good just confining them. They should be made to do useful work.
Are they capable of useful work? Under the right supervision. Yes.
There's nobody trickier to manage than the average husband. That's true!
I thought you were talking about criminals.
It's easy to get them confused.
It's as if you think husbands should be punished.
You can't just let them do what they want,
because they're cuddly and wag their tails occasionally.
What's the use of them being married, if they don't know it?
You have to keep the pressure on.
What makes men unreliable? Practice.
I blame a lot of it on diet.
Food today isn't stodgy enough.
In my day, you fed your man right and he couldn't move fast enough to get into serious mischief.
I feed mine, but he cycles it off.
Every time he comes home, he's got lipstick on his bicycle clips.
How is your Barry? He's half-asleep most of the time. That's good. You must be feeding him right!
Well, she's been raised in the finest culinary tradition.
I've started him jogging. Does he like jogging? He HATES jogging.
You know what went wrong out there today, don't you? Tha' got lost.
Rubbish! I have a built-in sense of terrain. What's terrain, Norm?
You must have heard it. "The terrain now standing at No.3 platform..."
What was wrong was the loss of communication. We lost contact.
Well, not any more. I know the answer.
Portable radios.
Portable radios? You know, little things you hold in your hand.
Well, come along. Get your radios.
COMPO AND CLEGG HUFF AND PUFF
Portable radios - "little things you can hold in your hand"(!)
I got the pair of them ridiculously cheap. An absolute snip.
I can't tell you how glad we are to hear that(!)
You do realise with these things we need never be out of contact again?
Oh, goody(!)
I'm not packing this thing about all day! One more of these and we've got Broadcasting House.
You'll soon get used to any little inconvenience. That's what they said about marriage.
Watch the valves. Don't damage the valves!
I think they damaged the valves.
Damaged the valves? What about us!?
You feel like a turtle - flipped onto your back and unable to get back up.
I'm kicking me legs in the air with 43 switches up me jumper.
I never thought I'd be on radio.
Can you repair it, Wesley? I'm not sure. That's comforting(!)
Well, it's not like an engine. You know me, I'm best with engines.
He can't repair it. Let's forget it.
Put it down to experience and forget about portable radios.
We're not stopping at the first setback.
Well, that was the second. Can we stop at the second?
There's still some life in the beast!
That's what I tell Nora Batty.
This is Sunray Major calling. Can you hear me, Wesley? Over.
RADIO BUZZES
This is Sunray Major calling. Can you hear me, Wesley? Over.
RADIO CRACKLES
This is Sunray Major calling. Can you hear me, Wesley? OVER.
If there's one thing dafter than a twit called Foggy, it's a twit called Foggy talking to himself!
But very nicely. I mean, doesn't he speak nicely?
It's the aerial, you see. We need more aerial.
I am sorry. I was pulling this out...
Hey! Stop! Come back! Stop!
Help! Come back!
Did it work? It worked a treat(!) The biggest laugh I've had for years.
Did you hear me calling you? No. Then you've not mended it.
It's not like an engine. Get it on your back and it feels like an engine.
CLATTER
All right, have another try.
You're really getting the hang of that bit, Wesley(!) Give it some hammer like tha' usually does.
Put that thing down at once!
You don't seem to understand. These are hi-tech precision instruments.
You two men stay here and keep a listening watch.
I'll give you further instructions by radio. Any questions?
What makes Nora Batty so attractive?
Keep your mind from wandering. It could be that!
Stay here and wait for my message.
Now, Howard? Do you think it's safe, love?
If it's not safe here, when can we nip off the road for a cuddle?
You never know if you're being watched.
Who's watching us here? There's such a thing as spy satellites.
They can read a label from 50 miles.
I don't care. All they'll be able to see is "Hand Wash Only".
Why don't we go a bit further, love? Funny you should say that.
This is Sunray Major calling. Are you receiving me? Are you receiving me? Over.
RADIO CRACKLES
This is Sunray Major calling. Sunray Major calling.
Hello. Hello!
FOGGY!
Not a peep! I bet he didn't pay more than a pound each for these!
And even then he were done.
This is the age of the microchip. These look more like the oven.
Hello. Foggy?
Foggy! Foggy! Hello! Hello! Awww!
Oh, Howard! We should be all right here.
There can't be anybody round here.
Oh, Howard!
'You two, are you listening?
'Don't just fiddle with your dials!
'Say something!'
It may have done it some good.
It didn't fall on concrete. It just slid down the grass a bit. A LOT!
Hello, Howard. It's a lie!
I'm glad she's gone. She scares me to death.
She makes me feel like a dressed chicken and she's somebody with spare stuffing.
Marina's all right. She's just desperate. Where's the wireless?
It must be here somewhere. There!
Whoops! Whoops!
Ah, well, it's not a total loss.
The aerial's still in working order.
Foggy will go mad. Maybe he won't notice from a distance.
Keep still ! There's a funny bit sticking out here.
That's me! Sorry.
Can't you straighten up? Not without an anaesthetic.
He needs something soft next to his skin.
I'm game, if you are!
He'll take advantage of you. It's just that you feel obliged to do what you can in an emergency.
The only thing that would make Foggy feel any better
is if we could make him believe that it's been damaged in a good cause.
I don't know! You give them a simple task.
I'll bet they've tuned to the wrong frequency.
And I'm here like a muffin, saying, "This is Sunray Major". And they'll have tuned to the wrong frequency.
Unless there's something wrong with their radio. It's a perfectly good radio.
Well, where's the other radio? He's still testing it.
Why is he walking like that? Like what? As though he's twisted something.
Why is he walking backwards?
To get better reception.
His radio looks funny. (Be quiet! You only know about engines.)
This is Sunray Major calling. Can you hear me? Over.
There you are! He can hear you.
But why doesn't he use the radio? Give him time. We've been at it all day.
Yes, but he knows we've only been practising. He'll react quicker, if there's an emergency.
What sort of emergency? You never know, do you?
Anything could happen. You never know when there might be an emergency.
Help! HELP!
Huh! There it is! LOOK! There's an emergency.
No brakes. No BRAKES.
No BRAKES! Help!
There you are, you see. An emergency!
Help!
But never mind. Compo will throw himself bravely into her path.
This is NOT Sunray Major.
Marina has got no brakes.
Can you stop her? Throw yourself into her path bravely.
Help!
CRASH
I believe he's done it.
I believe he's thrown himself into her path bravely.
He saved me. He SAVED me!
How brave!
How brave, eh?
Although... I'm afraid he may have damaged the radio.
Is he holding her too tight? I never interfere with things like THAT!
I think he's holding her too tight.
How does it feel, being crushed by a Marina?
Not unpleasant at the time.
Amazing how much damage she did to my radio. I had to save her!
Bravest thing I've ever seen.
Send him off with a whole radio and all he comes back with is a length of limp aerial!
Subtitles by Audrey Flynn BBC - 1990